


too cold outside (to be alone by yourself)

by newheros



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Zombie Apocalypse, Developing Relationship, Fluff, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Kissing, Literal Sleeping Together, M/M, Minor Violence, Sharing a Bed, Slice of Life, Zombie Apocalypse, Zombies
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-10
Updated: 2018-11-10
Packaged: 2019-08-16 15:58:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,324
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16498619
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/newheros/pseuds/newheros
Summary: donghyuck presses himself against the back of the couch and maybe they're both too big for this now, maybe they're not what they used to be before it all started, but somewhere along the tragedy and the running and the surviving, he started thinking that jeno is always going to fit in his arms, just like this.after a while, jeno opens his eyes. "what if someone finds us?""i think everybody's too busy thinking about the zombies outside, jenojam."(in other words, a tale of sleeping together at the end of the world, or something like that.)





	too cold outside (to be alone by yourself)

**Author's Note:**

> title is from stray kids' "i am you". stan skz!!!
> 
> so! here comes my nohyuck zombie apocalypse au in which there's too much hand-holding, nap-taking and cuddles from my own good. but i guess the end of the world calls for some fluff, right?
> 
> i hope you guys enjoy this as much as i did. <3

"Did you really have to go for the head like that?"

Donghyuck sighs, swings his baseball bat from one hand to the other and takes a look back at Jeno, walking a few meters from him, gun hanging from his shaking hands.

"Are you worried about the undead, Jenojam?" he asks, teasingly. "Wanna go back and check to see if it hurt too much?"

Jeno shrugs. "It's just disgusting."

Night patrol has always been boring. Well, not always, but at least since the number of undead had dropped. Taeil has the numbers, he's always been too good with them, knows exactly the different rates in which the plague had spread through time. It had hit its peak around Jeno's seventeenth birthday the year before, and started dropping ever since. It's all coming to an end. The end of the world, that is. But night patrol has always been boring – taking a walk around their QG, keeping track of the infected areas – so that's why Donghyuck is glad something _interesting_ happened, even if that something is finding a zombie not even two blocks from where they were currently staying and, well, having to take care of it.

He can't blame Jeno for looking away. He, too, was once repulsed by the undead. But that Donghyuck, small and fragile, is long gone. This has all shaped him into something harder, sharper, just like the others.  

But not Jeno. Jeno remains tender no matter what, and maybe that's how they've come so far. So that's why Donghyuck stops on his track and waits for him to catch up, then holds the baseball bat with his right hand so he can reach for Jeno's with the other.

He accepts it.

"You're too soft for the end of the world," Donghyuck says. He squeezes the other's hand a little. "But there's nothing wrong with it. You know that, right?"

"I know. It's all good, Duckie."

When they get back, Donghyuck notices that Sicheng had rearranged their beds so he could wash some of the sheets and clean a couple of mattresses. Everybody’s got a partner already or has snatched the bed of the ones in night patrol, and Donghyuck can’t slide into Mark’s camping sack because he’s got a cold, so all that is left for them is one mattress by the window and the couch.

Jeno makes his way to the couch, and as Donghyuck sits in the mattress by the window, he realizes there’s no way he can do this. He thinks, for a moment, that he can go and ask Jeno to sleep with him, and it would be so easy because it’s Jeno and Jeno never say no to him.

Although, by the time Donghyuck wraps his mind about it and gathers the courage to do so, he notices that Jeno has fallen asleep already. He sighs. Donghyuck doesn’t get a minute of sleep that night, eyes ever focused on the moon hanging outside the window.

 

.

 

The thing about Donghyuck is that he hates sleeping alone.

You see, a long, long time ago, he wouldn't mind about. Not at all. As a kid, he loved having his own room, lying quietly in his bed for hours because it was only him, the posters glued to his ceiling and, out of the window, the moon. And if the moon was alone up there, why wouldn't he?

Funny question. The moon is still alone up there, but why should he? The moon is still alone up there, but how could he?

Truth is, Donghyuck doesn't know what it's like sleeping alone anymore. It's been quite some time since the last time he did it because he _wanted_ to, and he remembers it like it was only yesterday, not nearly two years before – the last night before it all started, the last night his mother tucked him to bed, the last night he had a truly good night of sleep. Now, all Donghyuck knows is this: sleeping to the sound of someone else's breathing, to quiet and lonely lullabies, to the sound of someone shifting in the cold floor, that kind of sleep you get when you're ready to get up any time.

He's used to it now. He'd be damned if he wasn't, and he's glad he is. Sleeping without any noise is terrifying, he would know. It means you're alone. And none of them can bear being alone right now.

That's what he tells Jeno, anyways, when they're sitting in the window by the corridor on the next day, designated watch again. The other boy – are they still boys? Hasn't all of this harbored them into men yet? How much of childhood is left? – chuckles, nudges Donghyuck on the ribs with his elbow like he always does.

"Just say you're afraid of being alone already. I won't make fun of you, Duckie."

"I am not!" Donghyuck whispers. He holds the gun in his hand tighter, looks down at the empty street underneath them out of habit. He misses his baseball bat, but there's no use to it now. " _You_ are. That's why you're here with me and not down the hall with them. Because they're all asleep and you're a scaredy cat, Jenojam."

All of these are lies except for one. Jeno might be afraid of being alone – everyone would be afraid of being alone after _that_ one specific time, at the very beginning, in which they got trapped in a building full of zombies, all separated from each other –, but that's not why he's wasting precious hours of sleep. So he tilts his head, lightly, hair tickling Donghyuck's face a little because they need to be this close to fit in the window like this. It makes him flinch, but Jeno doesn't notice.

"I'm terrified, Duckie," he says, quietly. "I'm always terrified. In times like these, being brave is what gets you killed."

"I know." long pause. "I wish Johnny knew that, too, you know."

There it is. Jeno feels it when Donghyuck's shoulders tense up because he's never been the same after Johnny. They don't talk about him the way they used to, nobody does. He's a ghost story now, that's why Jeno drops the gun on his lap and runs a hand up and down Donghyuck's back, even if it's just for a split second, that's why Donghyuck's grip on his own gun tightens.

(When Johnny died – no, when _they_ got him, months before, in a place so far away –, Donghyuck felt like dying too. He was terrified. He had never felt more terrified, used to wake up every day thinking that it was the last because Johnny wasn't there, until he started realizing that the latter wouldn't want him thinking that way. Then he just woke up. And survived. And so on.)

"Jeno," he says, after a while, because there's not much left to say, because he knows Jeno will never sleep on him like that. "Jeno--"

When Jeno's hand come up to cover his mouth, Donghyuck swears he'd bite it off if he hadn't seen it too. The weight on his lips is quite comforting, when he stops to think about it, because no matter how many times it happens, Donghyuck's heart always skips a beat for a split second when he sees the undead.

It can't see them, not when they're up so high and so quiet, but it still makes Jeno feel uneasy, by the way he tenses up by Donghyuck's side and holds his gun tighter in one hand and Donghyuck’s face in the other. They've been seeing the undead for almost two years now – Mark keeps a calendar, so they don't lose track of time, so they know how much they've endured so far –, but there's something about the way they look and move that makes Donghyuck sad. Terrified, yes, but mostly sad.

He can see the moment Taeil leaves the house, ax in hand and hidden by the night – but not for them, they can see everything up so high like this. He bats Jeno's hand away and lets his own hand slide up the other's face to cover his eyes, which is gladly accepted by the way Jeno leans into his side and waits, still. He lets Jeno know it's over by caressing his cheek briefly and tugging on his sleeve, motioning for him to follow.

Yuta takes their place in complete silence – that's unnerving, Donghyuck can still remember a time in which they were both so loud –, sits on the windowsill with his gun and bids them goodnight with a smile.

When Donghyuck is settled under the covers in the living room – it's his turn on the couch now, he even has one of Taeyong's extra blankets because the latter still hasn’t come back from patrol on the streets –, he listens quietly to Jeno moving through the room, tiptoeing his way around the others, to check if they're properly tucked in, to see if someone has a cold, if someone is having a bad dream.

(When he stops to think about it, Mark had done a great job keeping them alive until they found Taeyong's group, but Jeno is still the one who has his tenderness intact. They're quite the match, Donghyuck things, perfect to get them out alive anytime, anywhere.

He wishes they didn't have to, though.)

"Hey," he whispers, loud enough for Jeno to hear when he passes close by. One of his hands goes immediately to Donghyuck's forehead, but he flinches away. "I'm fine, Jesus--"

"What is it?" Jeno asks, but both of them know it, he's just gonna make him say it because he's Jeno, because he's Donghyuck.

And Donghyuck hates sleeping alone. He knows he's not truly alone when there are twelve other boys asleep in the room, but Donghyuck hates sleeping alone. So he swallows his pride and says, in a tiny voice:

“Can you put your bed right here next to me?”

To which Jeno hums a _yeah, of course,_ and soon enough he’s laying by the side of the couch. Donghyuck doesn’t need to see to know he’s there, at this point he’d recognize Jeno’s breathing anywhere, but he still turns and rests his cheek on the edge of the couch, just to check.

“I’m not going anywhere,” Jeno whispers, and Donghyuck wouldn’t hear him if he couldn’t see the outline of his face in the dark, lips moving.

Donghyuck snorts. “I didn’t ask.”

Still, he tentatively lets his arm dangle from the edge of the couch, fingers brushing Jeno’s arm, barely there.

He gets the idea, though. Donghyuck only lets himself fall asleep with Jeno’s fingers intertwined with his.

 

.

 

None of them is really sure of how it started – because it's been so long, because it happened so quick –, but Donghyuck reckons that it went somewhat like this: walking home with Jeno and Jaemin in what looked like a normal afternoon, only to watch in horror as the elderly man who would usually sell them ice cream try to bite off Jeno's arm when he went to check if he was alright. After that, it's a blur – seeing people act so strange, the stench of death clouding his mind, going home to find out his parents weren't there and probably would never come home.

Donghyuck doesn't know who came up with the idea of running. Maybe it was Johnny or Mark, or both. When the radio started talking about evacuation, about heading to certain research centers where they would find help, it seemed like a good idea until it wasn't. The plague has spread there too, Donghyuck also remembers being shaken awake by Mark who claimed _they had to go now_ , a boy in their dorm had just turned.

Then it started. All eighteen of them, looking out for each other because there wasn't anyone else to do it, trying to find shelter and survive and not become a zombie in the process.

"I think it's parasitism," Taeyong told them on the first day away from the research center. He had a nasty bruise on the side of his face, the result of panic inside his dorm, and has the scar to this day. "Like, I think humans are hosting a symbiote. Maybe controlling their nervous system like that fungus who turns ants into zombies. So they can feed on, uh, other humans."

"Uninfected humans," Yuta pointed out from where he was sitting at the window. It was their first hideout ever, Donghyuck can't remember much of it. "That's why they don't feed on each other."

Even though all of them thought about it, Renjun was the only one to ask. "What happens when the food is over?"

To which no one replied. The thing is, months on the road have told them barely anything so far. They traveled from city to city, research center to research center trying to find both ways to survival and ways to understand.

At some point, Donghyuck thinks, trying to understand the end of the world had lost its sense. All they know is that it's either coming to an end or they're headed to certain doom, but Donghyuck can't bring himself to care anymore. He's past losing nights of sleep to overthinking the unknown.

All he care is this: his friends, his chosen family, his everything. Together through it all. He rests his head on Jeno's shoulder where they're sitting at the back of one of the vans, the sun setting low outside the window after a day of gathering supplies.

"A penny for your thoughts," Jeno whispers, voice coated with sleep already.

"When all of this is over," he replies. "We're going out for ice cream."

He feels Jeno nodding. From the front seat, Doyoung reckons how bored he was while waiting for them at the van all day, and his voice has always been capable of sending Donghyuck to sleep, his eyelids are becoming heavy.

"As in a date?" Jeno asks.

"Of course. What else would it be,"

To be honest, Donghyuck doesn't hear his answer. He drifts into sleep before that.

 

.

 

Donghyuck doesn't see Jeno for two days after asking him out on a date.

It's quite common, to be honest. Not asking him on a date, of course. Jeno goes on a supply trip with Yuta, Yukhei, and Kun, all the way to the neighboring city to get ammunition and medicine. They don't actually have a way to communicate since their radio got lost the last time they had to run away, so Donghyuck pretends he's not worried by busying himself with other things. Like taking walks with Renjun when no one's looking, bothering Jaemin all day or laying over Mark's camping sack like he's doing right now, as the older boy scribbles and scribbles in his journal.

Plans, notes, routes, maps, logs, memories from easier days. You can find all of this inside it. He took a look at Mark's worn out journal one day, but it was just too confusing. Too Mark. Now he just settles with watching him.

"What are you writing now?"

Mark twists his little piece of coal – he's lost the last pencil, asked for Jeno to try to find some in the supply trip –, in his fingers, perpetually stained black. "I'm trying to write down a poem from a book I liked so I don't forget it, but I already did. There are a lot of words missing."

"An entire poem?"

The other nods. Donghyuck whistles. "Tell me a piece of it you think I'm going to like. Something you remember well."

Mark looks at him briefly, then looks back at the journal in his hands. He puts a finger down on the page and mutters, "History repeats itself. Somebody says this. History throws its shadow over the beginning, over the desktop, over the sock drawer with its socks, its hidden letters. History is a little man in a brown suit, trying to define a room he is outside of. I know History. There are many names in History--" he takes a pause, and Donghyuck knows it has nothing to do with his messy handwriting. "--but none of them are ours."

A fool would say there's no way Mark remembers all of that, less alone the entire poem, but Donghyuck knows his best friend more than anything else in the world. So he moves around in the camping sack, rests his head in Mark's lap and says: "I liked it. Thank you for your words."

(Truth be told, all of this has shaped all of them into something different. Mark has lost a lot of things, but Donghyuck knows he'll never lose his knack for words.)

"Well," Mark chuckles. "They're not mine. But I like them a lot."

They stay like that for a while, with Mark's fingers on his hair as he tries to remember the rest of the poem until there's noise on the lower floor and Donghyuck sits up fast. "Do you think it's them?" he asks.

"Well, let's go see."

On the way downstairs they meet Renjun, who got up from his seat by the window in the corridor – one of the spots for watching, it's a bay window with a street view, they leave a blanket there when it's too cold. He doesn't say anything, but Donghyuck reaches out with a hand and ruffles his hair, which only makes Renjun groan loudly, pushing him off.

When they reach what used to be a kitchen, but is now just the place where they stock supplies, Donghyuck is greeted with the sight of Jeno throwing a pack of M&M's to an overexcited Chenle, who practically gleams at the treat. While the others go through whatever's new – mostly canned goods, a lot of water, candy here and then because they got lucky this time, toilet paper and other stuff –, Donghyuck follows Jeno when he leaves the room and reaches out to hook his finger in one of the other's belt loops, tugging it teasingly.

"Hey, Hyuck."

"Hello," he replies. "Did you bring a gift for me?"

Jeno squints his eyes at him but then smiles. "Does coming back alive counts? I only got candy for Lele and Mark's pencils."

"Of course it counts. It's all that counts."

His act lasts for about two seconds. Soon enough Chenle is walking out of the room as well, nudging Donghyuck in the ribs with his elbow and spilling "He's lying, he's been whining about you bringing him something all day."

As the other two laugh, Donghyuck groans. He can't have peace. Ever.

Chenle leaves them with laughter still in his lips, and Donghyuck takes a look at Jeno to see what he’s been missing. His eyes are the same as they were before it all started, and his smile too, but there’s this scar right on the corner of his mouth that Donghyuck personally likes. He wants to kiss it, but he never does, instead settles with poking it with his thumb.

It’s a surprise Jeno keeps up with his antics. That’s a change. Before the end of the world, he didn’t ever let Donghyuck get close like this.

“See something you like?”

Donghyuck shakes his head, lets his hand rest on Jeno’s cheek. “You look tired as fuck,” he says, to which the other nods.

“I haven’t slept really well. I drove a lot. And I was thinking of taking a nap.”

Donghyuck drops his hand, motions for him to go ahead. “You should. I’ll even get you something to eat when you wake up 'cause I'm feeling generous.”

When Jeno nods and turns, starting to make his way upstairs, Donghyuck is thinking about what he has to do for the day until he feels fingers around his arm. Jeno looks at him like he's grown two heads. "Aren't you coming with me?"

The way he says it, like this is something they're used to, like taking a nap alone wasn't ever a possibility, like he doesn't need to ask for Donghyuck to follow him-- it makes Donghyuck's brain go haywire, all fight or flight. He watches, dumbfounded, as Jeno motions for his hand.

"Oh," he replies. "I guess I am."

He takes Jeno's hand. He takes Jeno's hand and it fits warmly in his, and they go upstairs, they push their worn out mattresses together and lie side by side for a few minutes before Donghyuck gets up to shut the curtains. He stumbles his way back and drops down by Jeno's side again, and this time, he finds the courage to turn to the side and try to make out the lines of Jeno's face in the dark.

Nearly two years of fighting for survival weren’t capable to shape him into somebody ready for this – to lie this close to Lee Jeno, to watch as he drifts into sleep and as tiredness leaves his face and is replaced by something calmer, something nicer, reminding him that Jeno is pretty much still a boy, just like he also is.

Boys. Boys, boys, boys. Donghyuck shuffles closer and lets himself intertwine his fingers with Jeno's where his hand is laying on the mattress. The other doesn't flinch, doesn't move away, so he’s good.

Taeil finds them two hours later, dinner time, and they’re not holding hands anymore, but Donghyuck has his on Jeno’s back, running his fingers absentmindedly over his thin shirt. He doesn't say anything, and Donghyuck doesn't either, and he's down the stairs in a minute, not waiting for either of the other two.

 

.

 

"That's a nasty bruise you got there," comments Renjun.

Donghyuck scoffs, hand pressed to his shoulder in an attempt to stop the bleeding. "Why don't you shut the fuck up and keep your eyes on our upcoming death?"

"We're _good_ , Donghyuckie, we're almost home. Besides," Renjun swings the baseball bat in his hands and Donghyuck fights the urge to slap him. "I have a baseball bat."

"You have _my_ baseball bat and you're going to take care of it."

"Sure, sure."

All due respect to Renjun and his apparently flawless plans, Donghyuck is tired of thinking he's going to die. They're not really supposed to leave the house if not to get supplies or keep an eye out for undead in the surroundings, but Renjun has always hated being locked in the house. He has always been the kind of kid to love being outside, was the one to drag their asses out of their homes in summer so they could go UFO hunting or just skate in the streets until it was too hot to be outside. And Donghyuck, well, he doesn't like being inside either, so you can't blame him for sneaking out when he has the chance.

But then again, he's tired of thinking he's going to die. And he's sure Taeyong is not going to be happy with his bleeding shoulder, a product of the terrifying moment in which they had been briefly chased by three zombies and Renjun jumped over the barbed wire fence with no difficulty while Donghyuck managed to hook his shoulder there.

Tired. He's tired. Renjun pats his other shoulder. "I'm sorry that I got you hurt," he says, in a quiet voice. "I'm going to tell Taeyong that it was all my fault."

Donghyuck shakes his head. "It's alright, Injun. We didn't know that fucker was gonna be there. Also… I've been through worse."

That's true. Donghyuck has gotten hurt so many times in the past two years that a little cut from barbed wire means nothing to him besides a little nuisance. And Renjun laughs, because he, too, has been through worse, he skips a beat in their pace to show off his prosthetic foot. It's not much, but Jungwoo built it up for him months ago, and it's better than not being able to walk at all.

Donghyuck scoffs.

"I can't believe you still outrun everyone even after a zombie has bitten your fucking foot off. You're one of a kind, Injun."

The other shrugs, chuckling. "As Sicheng always says, fortune favors the stupid."

They're seen before they see. When Taeil takes a look at Donghyuck's arm from afar, he jumps from where he was sitting on top of an abandoned car and rushes to him.

"It's nothing," he manages to say, but Taeil shakes his head.

"I'm going to kill you two," he says, then motions for them to go inside. "Ask Kun for medicine and don't even think I'll let you near a gun or your bat with your shoulder fucked up like that."

Donghyuck sighs. "Alright, alright."

Taking care of the wound isn't the worst part. Kun doesn't say anything, but he has that look on his face that screams disappointed, and that might be the worst part of it all. Donghyuck sits in the kitchen counter as the older man presses a piece of cotton soaked in alcohol to clean it, them both in complete silence, and Donghyuck only starts complaining when the suture starts.

"It hurts like a _bitch_ ," he whines, but Kun only shakes his head.

There's a knock on the door, and when Donghyuck looks up, he's greeted with the sight of Doyoung with his arms crossed.

"Morphine is for greater wounds," he says. "Try ripping part of your arm off next time you sneak out of the house and _maybe_ I'll think about giving it to you."

The boy sighs. "We just wanted to take a walk, Doyoungie."

"Don't _Doyoungie_ me. Ever thought about the possibility of getting killed? I had to bribe Jeno with watch schedules for him to tell me where you two went."

" _What a fucking snitch_ \-- sorry, sorry," Donghyuck says, when Kun pinches his leg after he moves too much. He turns to Doyoung again. "I swear we were out for like ten minutes."

Doyoung shakes his head. "Forty, actually. Yuta was about to go after you when you guys arrived. You can't do that, Donghyuck. You know it."

Dropping the utensils on a little metal tray, Kun slides out of the room in complete silence. Donghyuck curses him under his breath and takes a look at the bandage on his shoulder, only so that he doesn't need to look at Doyoung.

"Hey," says the latter, having crossed the kitchen to stand in front of him. Doyoung touches his cheek briefly to get his attention, and Donghyuck looks up. "Don't sulk like that. You guys worried us, that's all I'm saying."

The boy sighs. "We won't do it again, Doyoungie. I promise."

Doyoung smiles. "Good. Now go rest, we'll start preparing lunch soon."

He could argue that he's not mortally wounded, but Donghyuck brushes the thought away and storms out of the kitchen in a heartbeat. He goes up the stairs two steps at a time and enters one of the rooms they use to sleep.

"You're a goddamn snitch," Donghyuck says, sitting down in Jeno's bed.

The latter looks up from the shirt he's been trying to sew for weeks. Donghyuck thinks he's hopeless, but he's not going to say that.

"I was just worried," Jeno tells him. He has the sketch of a smile on his lips but it's gone as soon as he sees the bandage on Donghyuck's shoulder. "Duckie, what is that?"

The other tries to shrug, but it hurts a little. "Barbed wire. By that alley where we saw a zombie on the other day. Renjun and I jumped over it."

Jeno sighs. He tosses the shirt and the needles to the side and reaches out to the other's shoulder, a feather-light touch.

"Always looking for trouble, aren't you?"

Donghyuck smiles, all mischief. He flicks Jeno on the nose and revels in the way the other winces. "Always a no jam, aren't you?"

Jeno doesn't bother replying, just shakes his head and gets back to his sewing. Donghyuck stares at the scar on the corner of his mouth until he can't take it anymore. He lays down on Jeno's bed and takes a nap before he can do anything stupid.

 

.

 

"Did you really mean it when you asked me out on a date? When this is over?"

Donghyuck stops walking. He looks back at Jeno and with the way his hair looks under the sun he's dreamy, and he keeps changing the weight of his body from one foot to the other and Donghyuck nods. "Are you taking back your answer?" he asks.

Jeno sends him a shy smile:

"I was just making sure."

Donghyuck waits for him to pick up the pace then laces their pinky fingers together. Ready to go back home, they are.

 

.

 

“ _To the car, to the car, come on!_ ”

Donghyuck has tears in his eyes. He clutches his backpack in one hand and the baseball bat in the other with force, follows Ten’s orders like his life depends on it – and it probably does. _Left, right, right, left, right_. This is the path to where the vans are, to where salvation is, and Donghyuck has ran away from the undead so many times that he’s immune to the thrill of it now, but he can still feel the salt in his mouth.

They’re on the last left now, Donghyuck blink his tears away before looking back. He waits until Chenle keeps up with him and motions for him to follow the others. By the corner of the street, he sees Kun raise his gun again and shoot again and again and again.

He must have stopped for too long, he should be at the car already, but Donghyuck’s muscles refuse to move until Kun is running in his direction and _Hyuck, go, now!_

He’s choking on his tears now, and Kun has to grab his arm for him to start moving. “They won’t know where we are, they’re gonna get killed-- _Kun!_ ”

“We gotta go, Hyuck,” the older man says, pushing Donghyuck in front of them. “We’re gonna find them, we just gotta get out of here first.”

They both find the vans in a few minutes, with Kun making sure that Donghyuck is inside before heading to the other vehicle.

Donghyuck rubs the heels of his palms on his eyes with force, his face red from crying and he can feel Jaemin’s hands on his shoulder and back, rubbing soothingly through his shirt. Inside the van, all is silent save for his sobs. Yuta drives, with Sicheng on the passenger seat and the others on the back. When Donghyuck calms down, he notices Doyoung sitting on the seat behind him with Chenle tucked on his chest and Jisung already asleep by the window. The oldest of them looks back at him, and he raises a hand to muffle Donghyuck’s hair shortly before resting it again on Chenle’s back.

Looking through the window, the sun has set but Donghyuck knows they’re still in town. They couldn't just leave like that. Jaemin falls asleep on his shoulder at some point, but Donghyuck is too tired to even sleep. He holds his backpack tightly against his chest, makes a list on his mind of the belongings inside it.

Two changes of clothes, a bottle of water, a gun and a bullet-case – they all have this in their bags, it’s protocol, Johnny started it –, and these are what almost costed Donghyuck’s life: Mark’s journal, that he had tucked deep in his camping sack, Donghyuck had to smash the heads of the two zombies inside their room to get it; Yukhei’s family album, as heavy as his longing, he left it on the floor and Donghyuck got blood spilled on it but it was better than nothing. He didn’t get anything for Jaehyun, though, he couldn’t find his stuff, figured Sicheng had collected it already.

As for Jeno, Donghyuck knows he didn't have much. Jeno lived in the part of town that was affected first, he was the first to leave everything behind and run away. When they went back to his place so he could gather some food and other stuff – clothes, anything he thought was useful –, all Jeno did was get a bag and a thin box from his mother's room.

("She was a dancer, just like me," Jeno told him, even though Donghyuck knew that already. "This is from her first competition ever. She'd like to have it if I ever see her again.")

See, Donghyuck knows that the chances of any of them finding their parents alive again are small, but Jeno's in even smaller. His mother wasn't at home when the first big attack happened, and they didn't see her in the neighborhood after that too. Perhaps that was better – Ten _did_ saw his parents one time, or whatever was left of them, and Taeyong doesn't want any of them to go through that again, so that's why they drove far, far away from their hometown.

But Donghyuck got the medal either way. He tucked it safely in the pocket of his backpack, can't wait to see the look on Jeno's face when he gets it back.  Because he will. Because they're going to find Jeno, and Mark, and Yukhei, and Jaehyun. They're all going to be together once again.

That's the thing about them, Donghyuck feels it. They'll always find their way back to each other.

 

.

 

It's almost dawn when he starts losing hope.

Everyone is awake at this point, the vans parked in the two meeting points for situations like this. They still don't have a radio or any form of communication, so the accord is to meet again in one hour so they can--

"I'm not leaving," Donghyuck says, leaning forward on his seat so he can join the conversation in the front seats. "I'm not gonna leave them behind. I'm not doing that."

"All of them know our second hideout, Hyuck." Sicheng argues. "We can't stay here for long in the street, it's not safe. They're going to find their way back to us in no time."

Donghyuck scoffs. "Can't believe you're doing that to Jae--"

"Don't _,_ " the other replies. "Don't finish that sentence. You have no right to pull that one on me." Sicheng pauses. He looks outside the window, jaw clenched. "Johnny would not be happy with you talking shit like that."

Doyoung intervenes at the same time that Donghyuck lunges forward, hand coming up to hold his wrist.

It all happens in slow motion. Donghyuck lunges forward one more time, full of rage and hurt, Doyoung twists his body in the seat to stop him, arms everywhere. It takes Sicheng two seconds to pick up what's going to happen next. "Doyoung, be careful with the--"

The horn lasts for less than a second, but it feels like a lifetime and sounds louder than anything he's ever heard. Donghyuck feels like his heart has stopped, eyes trapped in the way the blood leaves Doyoung's face, how Sicheng has his own shut with force. Nobody inside the van moves.

"I'm sorry," he chokes out. "Doyoung, I'm sorry, I didn't want to."

"Shh, it's alright," the elder says, his hand cups Donghyuck's face. "It's not your fault, Duckie, I hit it."

Chenle clears his throat somewhere behind them. "Guys," he chimes in. "I hear something out there."

It's simple. They've been through this before, many times before. Shut off the car, stay in silence, wait for whatever it is to go away because it can be just one undead or thousands of them. So when Jaemin's hands come up to grab the back of Donghyuck's coat, when he brings him to his seat again, Donghyuck shuts his mouth real tight. He doesn't even dare to breathe, watches as Doyoung turns off the engine, as Sicheng motions for them to get down on the seats, and he thinks for a moment that this is the moment they're all going to die, this is how their stories end, thinks of the undead forcing the car door's open to get them, thinks of dying painfully slow because he had to throw a tantrum, had to make Doyoung hit the horn by accident.

He doesn't notice he's crying again until Jaemin's hands find his, rubbing soothingly against his knuckles. Donghyuck can't see his face in the dark like this, and perhaps it's better that way.

They wait in silence for what feels like forever. Then, a loud noise is heard, probably a garbage bin falling to the floor, and Donghyuck's heart rate rises so fast that if the zombies don't see them, they might as well just find them from the sound of his heart beating alone. The silence stretches once more until he hears a small thump against the car, right by his side, and Jaemin's hands are trembling inside his now.

Donghyuck can imagine the door forced open, him being dragged outside, he swears he feels the stench of death on his nose or maybe that's just the fight or flight instinct talking, and this time there's a louder thump against the door and he lets his eyes wander to the door handle, he can barely see it but knows that it moved just a little. At the same time, Jisung's hand reaches for him from behind the seat, "There's something at the door."

Another thump, something reaches for the handle again with more force. This time Donghyuck's eyes rise up, he holds himself up in one arm and his heart goes straight to his mouth, he feels like choking.

"Fuck," he breathes out. " _Fuck_."

Donghyuck lunges forward, and Jaemin's hands try to stop him but he wiggles out of his hold and grabs the handle. "Donghyuck, what the fuck are you--"

When he opens the door, he's not greeted with the undead. Donghyuck reaches out so urgently that he almost falls from the van itself, but then he leans back with force, fingers hooked tightly into the other's shirt.

Jeno's hair is wet and his skin is ice cold, but Donghyuck holds him close nevertheless, hands on his back, he can hear Jaemin complaining about being pushed against the window but he doesn't care, couldn't care less.

"Duckie, I can't breathe--"

It's a cacophony, but perhaps the most beautiful of them. Chenle is shrieking in the backseat, holding for dear life a soaking wet Yukhei who can't stop complaining about the rain, and Jaehyun leans over the front seat to press a kiss to Sicheng's face. And Donghyuck, well, he feels his eyes water again. "I thought I'd never see you again."

Jeno starts saying something, but Mark leans forward from where he's sitting in the seat behind them and says: "I think I've never been happier to see your face, Donghyuckie."

"Ah, you're here too," he replies, and Mark smiles.

"Did you doubt my ability to keep us alive?" he asks. Donghyuck nods, because he could never. "Got my journal?”

“Of course,” he replies, but he has no intention to get it from his backpack now. When Mark turns to talk to Jaemin, he turns his attention to Jeno, who's looking at him with a funny face.

"What," Donghyuck asks, and when the other doesn't say anything, he brushes his hair out of his face. He needs a haircut, maybe Ten can cut it when he has the time. "You look like shit."

Jeno giggles. "The rain, it always ruins my hair--"

The van stops abruptly, which sends Donghyuck face first against the front seat. All of them, actually. "Doyoung, what the _fuck_ ,"

"Sorry, I just ran over a zombie. We're good now, though."

Donghyuck presses a hand against his face, cursing under his breath, and he feels Jeno tugging on his shirt, giggling. Donghyuck is ready to ask him what the hell he wants, but the other doesn't say anything. He just buries his face on Donghyuck's chest and stays like that.

By their side, Jaemin whistles. Donghyuck ignores him all the way home.

 

.

 

The ride to their second hideout is quick but the sun is starting to rise. By the time they’re unlocking the door of the three-story building – carefully hidden by a heavy dumpster, impossible for zombies to move but easily put aside by three or four of them – in the neighbor county, Donghyuck’s eyelids are drooping and he wants to sleep. He doesn’t get much from what Doyoung is saying, but he knows the youngers can go upstairs while the others arrange things.

It doesn’t take long for Kun to arrive with the other boys. Donghyuck hears it when Renjun gets inside the hideout, he curses Yukhei to hell and back before it suddenly stops.

“They must be smooching,” says Mark in the back of the room. Donghyuck notices how he struggles to strip out of his shirt, must have injured himself on the run. Idiot.

“Which is kind of unfair, by the way,” Mark continues.

Donghyuck rolls his eyes. He pats Chenle’s hair as he drifts to sleep in one of the beds – actual beds, this hideout is much better than the other –, with Jisung’s arms stubbornly wrapped around him, then gets up from his seat on the floor to change as well.

“And why is that, Mark Lee? Do you miss kissing boys on the mouth?”

Mark shrugs. “Don’t you?”

The lights are off now, and they’ve covered the windows with shirts and blouses for the room to be engulfed in dark, but as soon as the others fall asleep – Mark in the bed by the window, Chenle and Jisung squished in another one –, Donghyuck slips out of the room. He doesn’t know the place yet, lets his fingers slide on the walls as he walks through the corridors, searching for the right door.

Donghyuck misses kissing boys. He’d do it quite often before all of this started, and he’d kiss their mouths, their cheeks, their necks, their hands. He’d do it in parties and under the school’s bleachers, on empty corridors, on the way home if he was feeling brave enough. Donghyuck just liked it, how it is to be so close to someone, to feel their breath mixing with yours, to have their hands on you and yours on them.

But the dead have risen from the ground, there’s no time for kissing boys when you’re at the end of the world. Or maybe there is, and that’s why Renjun pecks the corner of Yukhei’s mouth now and then and ever so subtle safe for Donghyuck’s sharp eyes. Maybe the end of the world doesn't mean the end of other things such as falling in love, and that's why Donghyuck presses the heel of his palm to the window in the third floor, sneaks out of it to sit beside Jeno on the roof.

"Sorry it took me so long," he whispers. "Mark couldn't stop talking until sleep finally got the best of him."

"You're so mean to him. Just like when we were twelve."

Donghyuck sighs, nudging his ribs with an elbow in the way that makes Jeno's eyes become little crescent moons. Just like when they were twelve too.

"Not my fault that the years pass, the world ends, the dead rise and Mark still never shuts the fuck up," he replies, matter-of-factly. "It makes me happy, to be honest. Means we're still the same, I guess."

Jeno hums in agreement, his hand open in his lap, palm up. Donghyuck lets his own slide into it in complete silence. The other boy sighs deeply, his head finds a place where Donghyuck's shoulder meets neck and maybe the end of the world doesn't mean the end of other things such as falling in love. But Donghyuck doesn't know much about this kind of stuff, so he squeezes Jeno's hand and asks: "Tell me what happened with you guys,"

"Oh, well," he replies. "Basically, we got home and undead were all around. Terrifying. Realized you guys left and then took off as well, but they went after us for hours. Mark fell from the gutter of a building, Yukhei blew off so many heads that I felt like throwing up. Jaehyun is Jaehyun so I knew we'd get out of it alive. But he cried a little bit."

They both laugh. Donghyuck has to remember this so he can make fun of Jaehyun later. Then Jeno sighs.

"There's not much more about it, though. I saw the van and ran after it like crazy, we were walking out there for hours and I thought-- I thought..."

Donghyuck squeezes his hand again. "I know. Me too. But you're here now and everyone is safe. Let's keep it like that, big head."

They talk for what feels like ages, and Donghyuck likes Jeno the most when he's like this. Babbling about anything, warm hand trapped in his and tucked under his chin because that's how things are supposed to be in Donghyuck's opinion. But, on top of it all, safe.

At some point he falls asleep on his shoulder – because Jeno can fall asleep _anywhere_ – and Donghyuck is wondering if he lets him be or if he should take him to a bed, but suddenly there's a knock on the window and a head poking out of it. Jisung sticks out his tongue at them, teasingly, before saying that lunch is ready.

Jeno doesn't look much happy when Donghyuck wakes him, and with a second of absolutely stupid courage, Donghyuck leans forward and presses a kiss to the corner of his mouth, right where the scar is, so quick that it almost doesn't happen. But it does. And before Jeno can do anything about it – either say anything, or push him from the roof, or maybe kiss him back –, Jisung is at the window again.

"Why are you guys so slow," he complains. "I'm going to eat _all_ your food."

Donghyuck flips him off. He leaves with a wicked laugh, and the other two head to the kitchen in absolute silence.

(Although, right before they enter the kitchen where all of the others are, Jeno gives him a little push to the side and kisses him just as quickly as he had done. When Donghyuck sits down on the table, he eats Taeil's dinner with so much gusto that you could say he was having a banquet, not another round of canned goods and rice.)

 

.

 

"Hey," Jeno whispers in the dark. "It's really fucking cold."

Donghyuck knows. He's always been too sensible to chilly weather. No matter how many clothes he's wearing or if Doyoung had tucked him under the heaviest blankets, he still feels cold to the bone. So he shivers as a reply, and it makes Jeno laugh under his breath. "What can we do about it?"

This time, Donghyuck scoffs. He whispers: "I don't know, Jeno, it's ass o'clock in the morning, why aren't you in patrol?"

"It's too cold outside. Let me sleep with you?"

There's a candle at the back of the room, it casts a very faint light on Jeno's face, and Donghyuck thinks his heart is going to stop – not because of the cold, never because of the cold – when he throws his own blanket over Donghyuck and crawls inside the covers with him.

Jeno turns his back to him as soon as they lie down, and this is one of the moments in which Donghyuck feels his heart on his throat. Nearly two years of fighting for survival weren’t capable to shape him into somebody ready for this – to lie this close to Lee Jeno, to feel the warmth of his back against his side, reminding him that Jeno is pretty much alive, a spec of life in the dead of the night. It makes him want to crawl out of his own skin, so Donghyuck takes a deep breath instead.

They can’t fit right into the couch – he claimed it tonight –, he notices, because Jeno is too big and he'll probably fall to the floor if he stays like that, especially if Donghyuck keeps laying on his back. So he swallows his thoughts and turns around, snakes his arm over Jeno’s torso to hold him in place and please be asleep already please be asleep already please please please.

He waits for it, but a reaction never comes. Jeno doesn’t flinch nor moves away, so he’s good. Donghyuck buries his face on the other’s back and is drifting to sleep when Jeno starts moving.

He doesn't move away, though. Jeno shifts in the couch and turns to face him, and rests his head on Donghyuck's arm, legs intertwining with his. He has his eyes closed the whole time, but the other stares at him for so long that he has to feel it somehow, muttering something that Donghyuck can't quite catch because he's too busy thinking of kissing him.

So this is it, just like it has always been – as long as always means since the plague started, as long as always means since the day this big nightmare began. Donghyuck presses himself against the back of the couch and maybe they're both too big for this now, maybe they're not what they used to be before it all started, but somewhere along the tragedy and the running and the surviving, he started thinking that Jeno is always going to fit in his arms, just like this.

After a while, Jeno opens his eyes. "What if someone finds us?"

"I think everybody's too busy thinking about the zombies outside, Jenojam."

Jeno chuckles, and when he does, his breath hits Donghyuck's face lightly and it takes him exactly two seconds to lean in and kiss him, square on the mouth.

When he stops to think about it, Donghyuck doesn't know if he can allow himself to fall in love while the world is ending, but he's afraid he's already done it, he's constantly left wondering if this is bigger than it seems. Truth is, he doesn't know shit. But what he knows is: the feeling of Jeno's warm skin under his fingers, how it is to press his lips to his, how it feels to kiss him gently while the rest of the world isn't – and no, it doesn't stop at gently, but it should always start like that, Donghyuck thinks that it all comes back to the tenderness –, the way his breaths come and go and Donghyuck knows he'll recognize him anywhere by the way he breathes, in and out, ever so calm. Tender, like he always is.

It's the end of the world and he's fallen in love already. Fuck it. He cups Jeno's jaw with one hand and brings him closer with the other, as close as they can get.

He doesn't feel cold anymore. And he doesn't know who falls asleep first this time. It doesn't matter as it did before.

 

.

 

"I forgot to return this," Donghyuck says on a lazy afternoon, dropping a thin box on Jeno's lap.

He watches as the other carefully opens it, running a finger over the medal inside. Jeno looks up at him and smiles. "Thanks a lot, Hyuck."

"You're welcome, big head."

 

.

 

“I’m bored. Can I go?”

“No,” Doyoung replies. “Yuta can handle it alone. It’s just medicine.”

The boy scoffs. He has both feet on the panel in front of his seat, which earned him a glare from Doyoung in the first hour but he gave up after a while, a book on his lap.

He hasn’t seen a book in ages. When Jeno tossed it on his lap two days before, Donghyuck realized that books are never going to vanish from the face of the world as long as the threat is some flesh-eating zombies. A fire or a flood would be another story. But it’s just zombies. Donghyuck slides his finger along the red cover of the book, following the drawings of the boys on it. He has read it a billion times before, all thanks to Mark who bought it for him when they were younger, but it doesn’t matter. It always feels like the first time.

He’s in the middle of a chapter when Doyoung’s fingers curl around his pulse as a scream trespasses the walls of the building Yuta entered to get medicine.

“Out,” Doyoung tells him. “Out now, we’re going in.”

Donghyuck doesn’t need to be told twice. He leaves the book on the panel and is out of the van in a second, baseball bat in hands.

There’s no light inside the building safe for the faint light that creaks through the few broken windows. Donghyuck trips a few times but they’re good until reaching the very center of the building, drenched in darkness. Donghyuck pats his pockets in search of a flashlight at the same time that Doyoung hands him a gun, his own flashlight in hand.

“Keep an eye on your watch,” the older man says. “We meet at the entrance in one hour, with Yuta or not.”

Donghyuck flinches at the thought, pockets the gun. Doyoung pats his shoulders, his face.

“Don’t shoot unless you really need to. It could bring unwanted guests.”

“Sure. See you in an hour, Doyoungie.”

And, like that, they part ways.

 

.

 

What's strange about it is that Donghyuck doesn't see a single zombie in his search for Yuta, still, he can't bring himself to make any noise in fear that luck is going to trip him over. He walks through long corridors and peeks inside old storage rooms wondering where Yuta could be, but he doesn't find anything. He wonders if Doyoung has found him alright, but he still has over forty minutes.

The thing he hates the most about all of this is that Donghyuck can't bear losing people he loves. He feels his heart thumping loud inside his ribcage, tries not to think of the terrible things that could happen to Yuta.

He doesn't see it coming. In fact, he couldn't, because it hits him from the back and Donghyuck's flashlight goes flying out of his hand, rolling on the corridor and out of his reach. Before he can go after it, there's a knee being pressed to his back, pinning him to the floor.

 _I'm going to die,_ he thinks _, I'm going to di--_

"Shit, he's human," says a voice. Donghyuck can't breathe. "Get the fuck off him, Jun,"

The person on his back, Jun something, pulls the bat out of his hand and searches for the gun on his pocket, taking it too, then says "Yeah, yeah, sure," before standing up. The other person kicks his flashlight to him, and then Donghyuck is on his feet in a second.

"Who the fuck are you," he asks, pointing the flashlight at the strangers' faces.

One of them, the taller one winces. He has a soft face, and the way the corners of his mouth curl upwards remind Donghyuck of Jaemin and he must be their age. He practically towers over the other one, who watches Donghyuck with a bored expression. He points the gun at him.

"Who the fuck are _you_ ," is his reply, at the same time the taller one exclaims "I'm Yangyang!"

The shorty looks ready to shoot _him_ instead, but Donghyuck raises his free hand and says. "I'm Donghyuck. Please don't shoot."

"Ah, he doesn't know how to shoot," Yangyang tells him. "He just knows how to throw knives. Isn't it right, Jun?"

Donghyuck doesn't know how he's supposed to be calmer with that. Jun rolls his eyes. "My name is Dejun. Why are you here?"

"I'm looking for my friend. His name is Yuta, he's about this tall and has really big eyes, perhaps you've--"

"Oh," Yangyang interrupts. He turns to Dejun and says. "He's talking about the one who couldn't stop bawling his eyes out."

Donghyuck frowns. "Yuta was _crying_? What the fuck did you do to him?"

He's ignored, though. Dejun tilts his head and motions for them to start walking. "I see," he says. "Alright. We'll take you to him."

 

.

 

Donghyuck prepares himself to see many things. Maybe find Yuta dead or turned into a zombie, or maybe just badly beat up – he's sure that despite being really short, Dejun might be one hell of a fighter, somewhat like Renjun –, and it all makes him feel sick to his stomach. He follows the pair of horror movie twins through endless corridors and it only strikes him that this could all be a trap when Dejun pushes him inside a room.

Doyoung would kill him if he died. Donghyuck closes his eyes tight shut and waits for it, maybe a shot or having his throat sliced, but all he gets is a hug.

Or two hugs. He doesn't know what's going on, just knows that there are too many pairs of arms around him now.

"Duckie, it's you!"

"Of course it's him, dumbass, who else would it be?"

He can hear the other two boys laughing in the background, but Donghyuck's heart is beating so hard against his ribcage that everything else is white noise because the moment he detaches himself from the embraces, he sees a familiar face looking down at him.

"Johnny?" he exclaims. "Fuck. Am I dead?"

"What?" Johnny frowns, but then he smiles. His hands come up to cup the younger's face just like he used to. "You're not dead, Duckie. You're good."

"And," Yuta adds, and Donghyuck is so startled by him that he almost stumbles. "This fella's not dead too. We're all fucking _alive_ , guys."

Donghyuck doesn't realize he's crying until Johnny starts wiping off his tears.

He truly looks just like he used to. Stupidly tall, with ever-so-kind eyes and steady hands. Donghyuck hugs him so hard that he'd be afraid to crush Johnny's ribs if he wasn't, well, Johnny, and he stays like that all the way through the story he tells.

"I thought I was going to die," he says. "There were so many of them and I had that huge ass bite on my arm, I thought I wouldn't even turn, just die. I just ran and ran and tried to find you guys again but it was obvious you had left already."

"I didn't want to," Donghyuck chimes in, cheeks puffy from crying.

"Nobody wanted to," Yuta corrects, but he still raises a hand to ruffle his hair.

Johnny smiles at the both of them.

"And then," he continues. "Those three found me."

From where they're sitting on tall boxes across the tiny room, Yangyang and Dejun nod. There's a tall guy with a nice nose standing by the wall, with a notebook in hands, scribbling something down. His name is Guanheng. "We dragged him to our shelter and took care of the bite," he says. "After that, we tried locating you guys but we couldn't. We didn't have a car, also, and Johnny was too weak to move for a few days."

The other two nod, but Donghyuck frowns. He looks at the scar on Johnny's arm, an ugly white thing, wonders why they hadn't just cut it off like Kun had done to Renjun's foot when he was bitten. "How did you do it?"

Dejun shrugs. "I sucked the venom out."

While everyone else in the room looks alright with the idea, Donghyuck feels like throwing up. But before he can say anything, it clicks. "Fuck, Doyoung is here too. I forgot."

" _Doyoung?_ " Johnny exclaims. He's out of the floor in a second. "What are we doing here, then? Let's go!"

 

.

 

Needless to say, the others cry.

Donghyuck, though, past his own crying, stuffs his face with food while he watches Kun pester Johnny's face with kisses. Well, not _watches_ it because it's just weird, but he's acutely aware of it. He doesn't blame him, though. Thinking your boyfriend is dead for months might suck.

By his side, Jeno sniffs lightly, pressing the heels of his palm against his eye. Donghyuck leans in and uses the hem of his blouse to wipe off the reminiscent tears.

"So," Taeil settles two bowls of steamed soup on top of the table. "What are your names again?"

Donghyuck's eyes now dart to the two sitting by the end of the table. Yangyang thanks Taeil for the food with a nod while Dejun says "I'm Dejun, he's Yangyang and the one in the living room is Guanheng."

"I _told_ you guys about them, we studied together," Yukhei chimes in, leaning against the doorstep. He's been migrating between the conversations at the kitchen and the living room. "Damm, I never thought I'd see you again!"

"Well, me neither," Dejun shrugs. "We stayed at the school shelter but you weren't there."

"Yeah, we thought you had _died_ ," Yangyang completes.

Donghyuck has never been so sure they're a pair of horror movie twins. Or maybe he's just really impressed. He nudges Jeno lightly and the other takes his hand under the table. It feels nice, and then Jeno clears his throat. "Tell us again how you cured Johnny's bite?"

Everyone at the table hum in agreement. Kun pats Johnny's cheek lightly and turns to the other two, being DDD (Designated Doctor Dude, a title given to him by Chenle) after all.

Dejun nods happily, and Donghyuck starts thinking that maybe he's DDD too. "It's like a snake bite," he starts. "You just gotta suck the venom out before it spreads. That's what I did to Johnny's bite."

Ten whistles from where he's sitting at the countertop. "That's… Disgusting," he says, but Taeil sends him a scandalized look. "Well, it _is_ , Il."

"What if you have a cut in your mouth, though," Jisung chimes in. He's been quiet the whole time, tucked by Johnny's side. "You'd turn, too. You'd both end up dead."

This time, Johnny sorts. "I guess we're lucky."

Dejun, although, frowns a little. "I never thought of that, actually," he admits, and Yangyang lets out a loud laugh that makes everyone giggle a little. "Well, I guess you have to take risks sometimes..."

They chat for a really long time. Johnny has a lot to pick up, but he also has his own personal story. When they all gather in the living room, Donghyuck stays and listens and reckons and adds his own tiny bits of their huge narrative. At some point he starts feeling emotional because they've been through a lot, after all, but when Mark starts telling about the time they've got themselves into one true nest of zombies – it was inside a factory, Donghyuck doesn't even know how they ended up there in the first place –, he pushes the tears back and starts tugging on the hem of Jeno's long sleeved shirt.

"I'm tired," he whispers, and Jeno nods at his words.

"Let's go to sleep," he replies.

Donghyuck nods. He crosses the room to kiss Johnny on the cheek, bids everyone a good night and heads upstairs.

This time, neither of them ask. Donghyuck changes into his pajamas and slides under Jeno's covers and waits while the other uses the bathroom. He's almost drifting to sleep when Jaemin crouches down by his side and startles him.

" _Jesus_ , Nana, what the hell?"

"I just wanted to say," he starts, smiling down at Donghyuck. "That it was about time. You guys are really cute."

Donghyuck rolls on his side, feeling his cheeks starting to burn. Jaemin, the bastard, _laughs_ and rolls him back, pressing a kiss to his forehead before going back to his bed.

When Jeno motions for him to scoot over, Donghyuck's cheeks are still warm. "Hey," he whispers.

"Hi," Donghyuck replies. "You sleepy yet?"

"Not really, but I like being here with you."

There's a pause. Donghyuck presses closer, until there's barely any space between them. He doesn't really need to say it back, because Jeno knows. He cups Donghyuck's face with one hand and kisses him dizzy until they both fall asleep.

 

.

 

 _History throws its shadow over the beginning, over the desktop, over the sock drawer with its socks, its hidden letters_. This is what Mark had told him, so many weeks ago, and Donghyuck goes over and over the words for so long that they start losing sense. He's driving right now, and Jeno has fallen asleep on the passenger seat so all that's left for Donghyuck is his thoughts and the road ahead.

(They're off to get medicine because Yangyang has gotten one hell of a cold. Donghyuck could go alone, sure, but he knows how much Jeno loves to be out of the house.)

 _History,_ he wonders, _are we making history?_ Donghyuck doesn't have an answer for that. He doubts anyone does. Maybe Mark, sure, but that's because he's a dreamer on the same level that he's a fighter. And Donghyuck doesn't know anything about history-making, he just knows that it's somewhat of a miracle that they've come so far, that they've got Johnny back and also three more pairs of hands to keep them going, to catch whenever someone falls. Two years before and he wouldn't dream of learning how to drive and how to load a gun, of being in the run for survival with a family he's chosen, of fighting monsters straight out of comic books and sci-fi movies. This is History, maybe, or maybe it isn't at all.

"Do you want me to drive?" asks a sleepy Jeno, rubbing his eyes with the heels of his hands. When he looks at Donghyuck, the latter nods.

"Jeno," he says, instead. "Do you think we're going down in History?"

The other pouts. "I don't know. Are we?"

It's a blessing that the road is empty, that they're in the middle of the desert, because Donghyuck looks at him for so long that he certainly would've crashed the car if this wasn't the end of the world.

"What," Jeno laughs. He has his feet propped up on the seat, resting his chin on his knees. "What is it that you're looking at?"

Donghyuck scoffs, looks away. "I was looking at your ugly face, big head."

They both know he's joking, and Jeno throws his head back in laughter. The sun is bright outside and it tints his skin a pale gold, and Donghyuck wants to kiss his face all over and over and over until all of this is over, until someone cancels the apocalypse, until they don't have to play in survival mode anymore.

Instead, he focuses on driving. At some point, Jeno raises a hand and rests his fingers on Donghyuck's pulse, and this is so different from the other times they've done this. This isn't curtains closed, blankets over, sleep kicking in. This is daylight, being awake, reaching out for it, and Donghyuck lets his hand drop in Jeno's lap, fingers curling around his.

He keeps his eyes on the road, though, and none of them say anything until Jeno tugs on his hand, many miles later. When Donghyuck looks at him, he has a stupid smile on his face that shouldn't be allowed at the end of the world, but he's learned a long time ago that there isn't anything that Jeno can't get away with.

"What," he asks.

Jeno tugs on his hand again, runs his thumb over Donghyuck's knuckles like he's used to it. "I wanna go down in History. For you."

It's a promise, even though he doesn't say it with those words. And it makes funny things to Donghyuck's heart to the point he want to put a fist through his jaw for that, or maybe kiss it. Preferably the latter, though. Always the latter. Maybe the end of the world doesn't mean the end of other things such as falling in love.

"That's funny," Donghyuck replies, and his eyes are back on the road again, but his hand never leaves Jeno's. "I was gonna say the same about you. And you can go back to sleep now, big head. I'll be here when you wake up."

**Author's Note:**

> don't forget to leave kudos and let me know what you thought!!!!
> 
> mark's poem is little beast by richard siken. these two have my whole heart.  
> aaaand, if you've come this far, i hope you enjoyed this. truly.
> 
> until the next time, guys. see you soon x 
> 
> [twt](https://twitter.com/morktwt)   
>  [ccat](https://curiouscat.me/nctqueer)
> 
> twt: morktwt  
> ccat: nctqueer


End file.
